I SAID NO TO MY ENGAGEMENT

Dress Boohoo, Shoes Chanel (similar)

Marriage, what a big word. I still remember many friends of mine telling me what they imagined their wedding dress to be like at the age of 10. I was never one of those girls. I’ve never imagined my wedding dress, I never thought about where I wanted to get married, what I wanted my bouquet to look like, who I would invite to my wedding, etcetera, etcetera. Marriage just never really spoke to me. I don’t know of any happy couples, literally, not one. And yes, that includes my parents. They’re still together, but I know that they aren’t happy as a couple. So for me, marriage always looked like something that tore relationships apart rather than something that brought couples together. Btw, I’m aware that this isn’t the case for everybody. 


A couple of months ago I had this girl on my flight, who told me about her previous relationship. Her and her partner were together for 10 years, decided to get married in 2015 and got divorced in 2016. Why?! Why is it that couples are happy being just boyfriend and girlfriend, but the minute the word marriage comes about, it all goes to shit? It makes me wonder, was something wrong with their relationship before? Did they really love each other? Was the pressure of a perfect wedding just too much? It’s hard to figure out. Wether it’s the combination of all these things, or something else that I don’t even know of, the thought of marriage never crossed my mind.

Me and Ricardo have been together for almost eight years, and have lived together for five, and we get on amazingly well. If people saw how we are with each other when we’re behind closed doors, they’d think we’re immature, crazy people that act like little kids haha. I mean, we literally run after each other trying to stick a finger up each others arse - not literally, but you know :-P All these years I’ve been telling Ricardo that I didn’t want to get married, but that if I ever did, he was not to propose on my birthday, on Christmas, on our anniversary, and most importantly, not on the 14th of February in the Eiffel Tower. There’s nothing wrong if you’ve been proposed to on these occasions, but it’s just something I didn’t want for myself. I also said I would like it to be something thoughtful. I mean come on, I’m the girl who never wanted marriage, so for him to convince me it would have to be something pretty epic I’d imagine. Well... it wasn’t!


If you read my latest blog post you will already know that he proposed while we were in Punta Cana, and I ended up saying no two days later. So here’s how it happened before you all start judging me! We were waiting for our dinner reservation which was at 9pm, and we were ready at 6:30pm - it gets dark early in the caribbean. We wanted to head down to the beach, but it was pitch black there, so instead we stayed near the pool area. We sat down on the edge of those pool beds and started having a chat about how the holiday was going. The conversation led to us talking about his commitment ring tan line. As we were talking about rings, he saw an opening, got down on one knee and proposed. No big speech, no nice view, no thought behind it, just a meh moment. My heart sunk! The first words out of my mouth were ‘are you serious?’. I meant was he serious about the way he proposed, not with the proposal itself. It took me about 15mins to let the information sink in. Oh, I said yes btw! After it sunk in, I cried a bit, called my mum and gave her the news. But for some reason I didn’t feel the love, I wasn’t on cloud nine, I wasn’t excited and I most definitely did not feel engaged. 

The next day we told his parents, and after our closest family knew, I decided to post it on Facebook. I thought that if all my friends and family started congratulating us, that I would start feeling the warm fuzzy feelings. 200 messages later, I still didn’t feel it. In fact, I became so sad! I could feel the knot in my throat every time I went to say something, even if it was just to say ‘pass me the water’. I just couldn’t stop thinking that out of all the hints I had given him, this is what he came up with. I literally would’ve preferred being proposed to on the Eiffel Tower on the 14th of Feb! And the thing that made it worse, was the thought that I was never going to get that moment back. 


The next day I woke up and still felt the same sad feeling. So I just let it all out! I told Ricardo exactly how I felt about it. It wasn’t pleasant, I felt like a piece of shit, he felt like an idiot, but all I needed to do was tell him how I felt. The second I said everything I needed to say, I felt 100 times better. He broke down in tears, started apologising like the word sorry was going out of fashion, and agreed with everything I said. We had a little cry together, and eventually I ended up saying no to the proposal. We decided that this engagement was cancelled, and that he would repeat it at a later date. The ring was a tad too tight anyway, and it would have to be exchanged, so we agreed that he will keep the ring and when he’s ready to propose again, my ‘yes’ will be waiting.

I know this isn’t the fairytale story you’re all probably used to, but it’s a real life one. And I felt like I had to share this in case one of you felt disappointed with your proposal too. It’s ok to feel like you deserved more, it’s ok to expect more. You don’t have to bottle it up and pretend that you’re ecstatic when you’re probably really let down. And don’t think you’re being dramatic by asking them to propose again, it’s something that ideally should only happen once, but if they don’t get it right the first time, it’s ok to ask them to do it again. Just speak to your other half, let them know how you feel, chances are they feel the same way you do, and are simply just too embarrassed with themselves to even bring it up. As long as you both love each other, these little bumps in the road should bring you even closer together. 


I know that some people might say that the magic is gone now, but I genuinely believe this brought even more magic to our story. How often do you hear someone say they’ve asked their partner to propose again? Haha. My friends and family all found it hilarious and adorable that I’ve asked Ricardo to do it again, and such a ‘Sandra thing’. It makes our story different to everybody else’s, and a very entertaining story to share on our wedding day. 

Remember, no two stories are the same. Write your own! :-)

Much love, SFS.

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